What Doodles and Tea Can Mean
by ninjadevil2000
Summary: After the boggart at Grimmauld Place transformed into Harry, Sirius talks with Harry about their greatest fears. Later, Sirius and Remus reminisce about old times with their best friends.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. It all belongs to JKR. **

**Author's Note: I enjoyed writing this a lot. It was super emotional because Harry's relationship with Sirius was cut far too short in my opinion. He only had him for like two years. Not long.**

**Now this isn't my best work (far from it) but I do really hope you enjoy this. Please review and let me know what you think. :)**

* * *

"Harry, are you okay?" Sirius asked, coming forward. Everyone had left the room, now only Sirius and Harry remained, both extremely shaken after what they had just seen.

Harry nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," he said. He looked up from the floor, still staring at the spot where the boggart had been.

"Was – was it all the kids?" Sirius asked quietly.

Harry nodded. "It – It was Fred and George and Bill and Charlie and Percy and Ginny and – and Ron," Harry said, looking back down at the floor. "I don't even know if that was Mrs. Weasley's boggart; it may have been mine.

"I'm scared for all of them," he continued. "I've already had so many people die or get hurt for me. My mum and dad and you and Professor Lupin and Cedric. Ginny was kidnapped by Riddle so that he could get stronger and then get to me. You were thrown in Azkaban for me. Ron and Hermione have both gotten hurt lots of times for me."

"Harry, you need to stop thinking things like this," Sirius said forcefully, almost angrily. Harry looked at him, surprised at his godfather's tone.

"The people that protected you, the people that have gotten hurt for you, they did all of that by choice. They didn't feel obligated or like they had to do for the good of the world or whatever else. They did it for you because they love you, Harry," Sirius continued. "I did it because I love you.

"James and Lily chose to protect you with their life because they were your parents and they loved you _so_ much. Ron and Hermione have stood by your side because you're their best friends and they _love_ you. I got thrown in Azkaban and survived because I _love_ you. Even Cedric. He tried to fight, tried to protect you, not because you were the Boy Who Lived, but because you were innocent and you were his friend," Sirius said.

Harry nodded mutely. He was looking down at his hands.

"When that boggart transformed into you," Sirius began. "It was showing _my_ greatest fear."

Harry looked up. "That's your greatest fear?" he asked. "L-Losing me?"

Sirius had a look of disbelief on his face. "Yes, it's my greatest fear. How hard is that for you to believe? You just said that losing Ron and the Weasleys was _yours_."

Harry didn't reply.

"I'm terrified of losing you, Harry," Sirius repeated. "You're the last family I have apart from Moony. If I lost you, I don't think I could live anymore. And I can't have you blaming yourself for everything. It's not good or healthy and I don't want to lose you like I lost –" Sirius broke off suddenly.

Harry looked at his godfather. "Like you lost who?" he prompted.

Sirius shook his head. "It doesn't matter, not anymore. What matters right now is you, okay? You're the most important thing in the world to me. I don't want to lose you."

Harry nodded. He and Sirius were silent for a few minutes after that before Harry mumbled a soft goodnight. He made to go to the door, but Sirius held him back, giving him a one armed hug. "Goodnight," he muttered to his godson.

* * *

Sirius made his way back to his room, running his hands through his hair. It had been a long evening. He opened the door to his bedroom, the only place in the whole house he really liked.

He got a surprise when he opened the door, however. Remus was sitting there at the foot of the bed, looking up at the wall where Sirius had put up a bunch of pictures of his school days: James' and Lily's wedding, Harry when he was a baby, and other moments too precious to risk forgetting. One thing that was the same in every picture, though, was that the ones showing Pettigrew were cut off or hidden by other pictures. Peter shouldn't be allowed to be in the pictures with James and Lily and Harry.

Remus's eyes were focused on one picture which showed the four Marauders and Lily all standing around a big birthday cake, little Harry sitting in front of it. It hurt to look at them, but it also felt good, knowing that they wouldn't be forgotten.

He glanced at Sirius when he entered. "I thought you might want to talk," he said simply.

Sirius shrugged, falling back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. "God, Moony," he said after a minute. "The boggart, when it transformed into Harry? It looked just – just like –"

" – James," Remus finished.

Sirius sat up. "I don't know what to do, Remus," he said. "I can't keep sitting around like this, doing nothing, let alone in this house where everything reminds me of _them_." He spat the final word.

"I'm sorry you have to stay here, Pads," Remus said, sitting next to his friend. "Look, maybe you can come with us to the platform when we drop the kids off at the Express."

Sirius nodded. There was a silence for a few moments before Sirius said, in a hushed tone, "He reminds me so much of James and Lily."

"I know," Remus said. "He reminds me of them too. It's like, I smile when I see him doing these things that James and Lily always did, but then it's like a punch to the stomach when I realize I won't ever see them do those things again. And I know they've been gone for fifteen years now, but I still miss them so much."

There was silence. Nothing was heard except creaks in the old house as occupants went to and fro.

"You know, when that boggart turned into Harry," Sirius began – so soft Remus had to tap into his wolfish side to hear him – "When it turned into him, it looked just – just like James. Except the eyes. They were open and they – they were Lily's. And everything just came flooding back from the night when it happened. When I saw James laying on the floor, cold, his eyes open and staring into nothing."

Remus breathed shakily. He could feel tears stinging the back of his eyes. James had been his best friend in the whole world apart to Sirius. And Lily. She had been so perfect. He had always gotten along with her. Better than James or Sirius ever had.

"When I saw Lily laying there." Sirius was still speaking. "Her fiery hair splayed out around her. She looked so frail laying there. Not like the strong woman we knew her as."

Remus swallowed then said, "You know, when I was teaching at Hogwarts, I always noticed little things Harry would do. They were never anything big, but it was something. Like little pieces of James and Lily."

"Like what?" Sirius asked curiously, looking over at his friend.

"Well," Remus said, grinning a little. "On the days he was tired, usually after a night of Quidditch practice, he would always doodle in his books like James used to. I glanced at them sometimes when I passed his desk. Just little things. Snitches, Quidditch hoops. One time I saw a very unflattering depiction of You-Know-Who," Remus said with a laugh.

Sirius smiled. "Sounds like James," he said fondly. "What else?" he prompted, eager for more information about the godson he should've lived his whole life with.

Remus spoke again. "When someone would do something funny in class or Ron or Hermione would joke about something, he would bite his thumb sometimes to hide a grin." He looked up at Sirius and saw the smile broaden slightly.

"That's what Lily would always do when she was trying not to laugh at our jokes and pranks," he said reminiscently. There was a pause. "Did you notice the other day when we were downstairs? Harry had just come downstairs for breakfast and he was falling asleep at the table. Molly handed him a cup of tea and, even though it was hot still, he drank it. James always did that in the morning, except he drank coffee. I remember the house-elves always remembering where we sat so they would send up coffee to that spot every morning. James would always be so sleepy in the morning and then so hyper the rest of the day," Sirius laughed.

Remus laughed too. "Yeah," he said. "Those were the days, weren't they?" he said.

Sirius sighed, wiping a hand across his face. "I love him so much, Moony. I love him more than James and Lily combined and I didn't think that was possible." He let out a wry laugh. "I know Molly's right. I know that Harry _isn't_ James but every time I see him do the smallest thing like laugh or drink his tea when it's still hot or write in that same handwriting that Lily had . . ." he trailed off, unable to complete his sentence.

"It's like we have them back," Remus finished.


End file.
